Anchor my Heart to Your Cross

Faith, Hope, and Love.  Three little words that we flippantly say so often, but how often do we truly think about them?  

Lately, I've been absolutely loving the symbol of the anchor.  We all need to be anchored to something.  SomeONE, actually.  Our Lord is the only One who never moves, is always constant, and it is He who we can always trust in.  An anchor indicates strength, and I think it's appropriate that it's the traditional Christian symbol for hope.  When a ship is anchored to the shore, it can bob up and down, it rocks from side to side, and it can even drift a little bit, but it really can't go too far.  What a comforting thought!  If we are anchored to Christ as our rock, we aren't guaranteed that we're never going to go through troubling times.  Actually, we're pretty much assured that life is going to be difficult.  But as long as we keep our anchor of faith tied to our Rock, we can have hope that we can make it back to His side.  His strength can pull us through, so long as we keep our eyes on Him.

I'm going to be honest with you all: in the last couple weeks, I've really been struggling with these three virtues.  They all go together, and I think that when one suffers, the others do as well.  I have come to the understanding that I don't receive God's love as well as I should, that shakes my faith in Him, and then I find myself drifting further and further away from His perfect life-giving Presence.

Sometimes, I need visual reminders of what I'm working on in my spiritual life.  I guess this is one reason that I have so many inspirational quotes around my room, because I forget those fundamental things too often.  When I realized how much I really need to push myself to work on these three areas, I knew I needed something concrete.  I started with a sticky note, but that didn't stay with me all the time.  Then I started looking for a bracelet, but they were all too clunky.  I also realized that it doesn't necessarily need to be visual to everyone.  OK, I thought, I will go a different route.  So later that afternoon, I bought an anklet, and three charms (on amazon, of course...)- a cross, an anchor, and a heart.  The chain is really thin, and the charms are super tiny, just as I wanted.

I was actually afraid that I was going to regret this purchase (I am going to Austria, after all, and journeying in Europe costs a wee bit o' money), but the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that this will help me a lot.  Visual, tangible reminders like this one will hopefully keep me on course and help me grow in my faith!

Have you come across anything in your own life that you find you need a visual to remind you of?  Share in the comments!
xoxo,

ps- last week, I celebrated 10,000 views, and today I'm celebrating 100 posts!  Let's make a deal- you help me reach 20,000, and I'll give you another 100, ok? ;)

Overdone and overprayed

It has been dawning on me lately how insanely over-spiritualized people on this campus are.  And I'm not thinking of one or two people in particular, it's just something that the entire campus struggles with.  I don't exclude myself from this, either.  I think some of it comes from the fact that we have Masses and confessions and friars and sisters, so there's just so much holiness around here.  THIS is a good thing.  but the over-spiritualization is NOT.

I've seen relationships broken because of "God's will".  Denials from mission trips and household because of "God's will".  Fashion and beauty choices made because of "God's will".  (I kid you not on this last one... unfortunately).  I think it's all extremely sad.

Can't we own up to our own decisions and not "blame" God?

Do I think we need to pray about a decision before we make it?
absolutely.
Should God be involved in our decision-making?
heck yes.
Can and should someone else tell me what God's definitive will for my life is? **
not really.

As I posted here, I had a huge disappointment a couple weeks ago.  It blindsided me; I didn't see it coming in the least.  And honestly, I think the reason that I was so surprised was because I had been at peace with my decision for a year.  Yes, you read that right: a year.  And yet in 2 days, 2 people decided that they knew "God's will" for my life better than I did.  Is it possible?  I guess.  Probable? Not really.

(sidenote: It's entirely possible that these people will read this; if so, please know that I am not mad at you, just at the situation.  It's frustrating, and if you haven't been there yourself, I'm sure its hard to understand.)

Thankfully, a couple people have helped me realize this over the past 2 weeks.  As I stated in my post referenced 2 paragraphs up, I am still not 100% ok with the decision.  I'm still working through it.  But it still really bothers me that the "God's will" excuse was used.  (it bothers a priest who is fairly close to the situation that the "God's will" excuse was used, too...)

I see the importance of prayer, I really do.  But we also have to act.  "Faith without works is dead", the Bible says.  OK, so maybe we should be think and pray, weigh the pros and cons, and then act.  It. Takes. Both.

I'd like to issue a challenge, especially to my fellow FUS-goers: If you make a decision about something, take ownership of it.  If prayer legitimately played a role in that decision, ok.  I've got no problems with that.  But don't put it all on God.

We at Franciscan are over-praying our lives.
And it needs to stop before we over-pray ourselves into oblivion.


**I'd like to make sure you understand me- spiritual directors do give this kind of, well, direction, but they still do not say "This is exactly what God wants you to do".  There's definitely a difference.

like birds upon the dawn arising

This last week has been a week of beauty.

Beauty comes from liturgy committee; those people who I am able to serve with, who all have our Lord as the center of their lives and love helping others worship Him in the Mass.

Beauty is seen in reading blogs.  Blogs that emanate God's love and joy.

Beauty is a multitude of conversations with friends: Robyn, who I've known since Kindergarten; Stasia, an amazing friend here at school; Evie, my ever-insightful roommate; Patrick, who I hadn't gotten to really have a discussion with in a long time; Josh, who's got amazing views of so many things; Mario, who is just fun to talk to and makes me smile.

Beauty is found in the women at Lord's Day, singing praise and worship and sharing their joys of the week with each other.

There is even beauty in swing dancing for 2 hours straight 'till you're sweating, and sloshing through rain that's so heavy that your umbrella does absolutely no good.

These are the weeks that I just have to laugh and think, God is just so present in our lives!

God is there in so many seemingly everyday activities- long late-night walks, dinners in the caf, classes, and homework readings.

I have been struck at the number of relevant articles and such that I've been seeing lately.  Relevant to my life, that is.  Things that I've been struggling with or questioning, I've just run across these things to read and have said "Ok, God, I get it.  I need to work on this.  Thanks."  And then I'll read it and 6 hours later (no, more like 2) he'll throw something else in front of me that I need to hear/read.  People say that God never interacts with us?  I challenge that.  I challenge it from the depths of my soul.

Go now.  Live out the beauty that's surrounding you.  Be aware of God's presence in the minute, seemingly insignificant moments of your life.  And share your joy with others.  For it is through others that we can truly know God's love.

xoxo,

and at last, we come to it

My friends, I'm starting my sophomore year tomorrow. Like, officially.  I mean, I've been here "as a sophomore" since last Sunday, but I legit start tomorrow.  Ok, by now it's today.  You can ignore that fact.  I haven't been to bed yet, so it's tomorrow.

Tonight, I went to the Ministry Fair here on campus.  But this time, I didn't go as a participant.  I went as a member of the Liturgy Committee (LC), and laughed with my fellow committee-members, and I handed out applications for people to be Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, and told them about the training meeting.

I have to run the training meeting.
That means I have responsibilities.

Yeah, yeah, any college student has responsibilities.  But when you're in charge of making sure the EMHCs know what they're doing and are comfortable serving as ministers at Mass?  It's ever-so-slightly (read:extremely) terrifying.

I have an official-looking committee shirt, and an official-looking sweatshirt, and an official-looking binder, and an official-looking name tag.
Oh.  You're claiming I'm official?  If you say so....

So tomorrow I will skip off to my first class as a sophomore (Enviro Sci.  Uhm.) and then have a gigantic meeting with my co-lead of the EMHCs and decipher the handwriting of 70+ students who signed up to be trained next week.  And we WILL be leaders here on campus.  We will train those people and we will train them well!

People have asked for pictures, so I shall give you pictures.  Even if it's just a couple this time. ;) The theme of the day is "Churches".

 (no special effects were used on any of these!)
And if you have a moment (or if you don't, if you could make a moment), say a quick prayer for my brother-in-law who had back surgery today!
xoxo,

Different Kind of Sacrifice

I think everyone enters the Crossroads experience expecting something.  They may not know precisely what it is, but they're definitely expecting it.  It could be new friends, a life changing experience, to get in shape, to grow closer to God, to see cool scenery, to explore the country, and so much more.

One of my expectations was not to get sick.

The other day (Thursday, I believe it was) I woke up and walked 3 minutes down the road to Mass.  As I sat down, I felt a strange wave of lightheadedness.  Mass went on, and I got progressively worse and worse.  By the end, I was bent over, leaning on the pew in front of me, dizzy, with a pounding headache.  Afterwards, as I sat on the church steps with my head between my knees, all I could think was "This was not part of the plan".  I hated to do it, but I took the day off and slept for 6 hours.  Grace ended up walking for me, which meant she did back-to-back shifts.  (thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!)

I was eternally grateful for those 6 hours of sleep.  So grateful that I did night shift that night.  An extra long night shift which lasted 14 hours and in which we walked 40 miles.  A night shift that lasted so long that I walked in the sun again.  Which was super stupid and dumb on my part, because I had heat exhaustion.

Heat exhaustion.  Why, oh why, oh why???

Did you know that the symptoms for heat exhaustion are pretty similar to those of heat stroke?  And that heat stroke can be fatal?  Yeah, me neither.  Needless to say, I was pretty freaked out for a little while.

If there's anything I hate, it's being sick.  Not because I feel yucky, but because I feel so useless.  Like I should be up and doing things, helping people make dinner and clean, but instead I have to sit on the sofa and do nothing.  And then I'll feel better and do something, and immediately after another wave of faintness will come over me and I'll have to sit down right away.  People, I promise I'm not faking!

Last night, I sat in the hot tub for a little bit, making me feel 1000% better, and then my mom was like "That probably wasn't the best idea for someone who has heat exhaustion".... oh yeah.  Whoops.  Kinda forgot about that.

(disclaimer: I'm drinking lots of sports drinks, taking natural remedies of various sorts, and am taking it easy.  No worries, I'm gonna be ok ;) )

This is all to say... I've been thinking about the reason I'm here.  My expectations.  I wanted to grow in my faith, to gain friendships, to witness to the dignity of life.  But as I've sat with a spinning head, I've wondered if my last couple days have even been worthwhile.  If I'm not walking, is there even a point to being here?

I've come to realize that there is.

Why am I here?  For prayer and sacrifice.  I'm getting a heck of a lot of prayer in sitting on this sofa.  It's a huge sacrifice for me to not walk.  I thought I was here to walk.  But there's so much more than that.  I am here to walk, but I can witness in other ways too.

Last night during dinner, Josh said something that I've always heard, but it really hit me.  He said "Make every bite a prayer!"  I may pray my morning offering when I wake up, but do I mean those words I say?  Do I mean that I offer "my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of the day"?  Or do I say it because that's what I've been doing for years?  Do I remember that literally everything I do while I'm here is for the greater glory of God, and that everything should be a prayer?  It's definitely something that I need to work on.

~~~~
Break break.

We've been making videos like there's no tomorrow.  So much so that the Crossroads office assured everyone that yes, we are still walking. :P  (We are, in fact, 2 days ahead!)

So here, I present you with Peter's latest work.

And here is the video I referenced in my last post that Josh made: 30 Miles in Our Shoes

Enjoy your day (and your week!) everyone!  Pray for us all as we venture into the flatness that is South Dakota.
xoxo,

The Heavens are Telling the Glory of God

And all Creation is Shouting for Joy.

I've never particularly liked that song, but lately, I've been realizing how absolutely true it is.  How often do we spend time looking at the world that God gave us and really, truly appreciate it?  I'm so grateful that I've had the chance to do just that while on Crossroads.

I am now (temporarily) on night shift.

In all honesty, I was really excited to take part in the whole "walking at night" thing.  I was one of only two people on the walk that hadn't been on night shift yet.  It's such a different experience.

Sunday night.

my team warns me that night shift isn't really all that great: it's hard, it's tiring, and by mid-week, I'll be cranky and exhausted.  nevertheless, I'm excited to begin.

we drive two hours to our starting point.

Kirstin and Josh are starting out, so Zechariah, Stephanie, and I wait in the car.  While waiting, Zechariah and I record some ridiculous dances to (maybe possibly) make a fun music video.

sunsets are gorgeous.

Have you ever watched the sun set while standing on a hill overlooking a valley, with mountains in the distance?

I got to do that on Sunday night, and it was magnificent.  Even the swarms of mosquitoes couldn't keep my happiness level low.

josh and I set out.

We pray our rosary, and as the moon rises in front of us, we talk.  funny stories from growing up and from high school.

the moon was so bright that we could see our shadows behind us.

we make jokes about alien attacks, and listen to birds that sound like hyenas.  the moon is above us, shining and brilliant in the sky.

pure beauty.

when I get back in the car, I sleep for a couple hours, then it's time to walk again.

Zechariah and I begin walking and pray another rosary.

It's early in the morning and the sun has started to rise.  conversation comes surprisingly easy at 4:30 am.  there's a hint of glow in the sky, and as time goes on, the sky lights up into a dozen different colors: reds, oranges, yellows.  we watch deer scamper across a field and stop right by the car, about a mile up the road.  cows wandered out to pasture and began their gentle mooing.

monday night.

If there was a night that I could remember for the rest of my life, it would absolutely and definitely be monday night.

wow.

josh and I set out around 9.  the moon was bright; not as bright as the night before, but more full.  after praying our rosary, we talked about faith.  every once in a while, a train would pass on the tracks next to us, its light piercing the darkness up ahead.  the gentle chugging was a reassuring sound that I normally wouldn't have been aware of.  Semi trucks passed and i could feel the whoosh of air that they pulled behind them.  the air was cool but as we walked further, we were able to take our sweatshirts off and just wear the reflective vests over our PRO-LIFE shirts.  As we heard a car or truck approach, we'd turn on our flashlights, the soft light showing where we were and lighting our way.

again, I slept.

sleep comes surprisingly easy when you're walking at night.  we're awakened at 4 am to begin the last 5-mile shift of the night.

we were both tired, so after the rosary, we fell into silence.  with 4.2 miles to go, we could already see the van up ahead, hazard lights flashing bright in the dark.

its amazing how your senses are heightened at that hour.

the moonlight reflected off a white barn, a mailbox, and three simple crosses at the side of the road.

in unison, our footsteps were loud on the pavement.  every so often, one or the other of us would kick a stone, and it would bounce to the side.

I could hear the wind blow gently through the grass.

horses whinnied and beat their hooves in a nearby stable.

a small stream trickled into a ditch nearby.

just before the sun began to rise, the birds started singing.  First, just a single song, then the whole area was filled with melodies and harmonies of all different birds.  some loud, some soft; they combined to form a symphony for us as we walked.

I could see a wooden pole rising against the lightening sky, a nest perched on top.  as a large bird, probably an eagle, rose from the nest, Josh broke the silence.

"Nice"

-Wow.

Silence again.

Not the awkward i'm-trying-to-think-of-something-to-say-and-can't silence, but beautiful silence.  A Full Silence that can only come from listening to God and all of His creation.

the sky started to be illuminated.  directly to my right was the full moon, still shining with all its glory, and to my left was a hazy sky.  

deep gray-ish purple mountains rose against a lighter purple sky, set off by medium blue clouds.  

words cannot begin to describe the depth of beauty that filled that space.

we were surrounded by mountains on all sides, by whispy clouds up above and the gently rising sun as the cherry on top.

It was such a different sunrise than the morning before, but just as, if not more, phenomenal.  God is a magnificent painter.

What can I say; I'm in love.

I'm in love with the beauty that I have the ability to see on this journey.

I'm in love with the Creator of that beauty; the One who made it all, with my God, the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth.

In Him,