It's the Journey: part V

(part I, part II, part III, part IV)

The hardest thing that happened this summer was the passing away of Andrew, one of the walkers on central walk, after he was struck by a car while he was walking.  Although none of Northern Walk had ever met him, there’s a certain camaraderie you have with a person who is going through the exact same thing as you.  That week, we learned so much as every one of us debated whether or not we were going to continue the walk.  It’s not easy to think about not finishing something that you’ve dedicated your summer to.  For some, it was an easy decision; others debated for a couple days.  Ultimately, our entire group remained on the walk.  Walking was even more meaningful following the accident: we were walking not only for the unborn and for our own growth, but also for Andrew.  We were finishing what he was unable to finish.

Crossroads was truly a unique experience.  Most people can’t say that they’ve walked through 14 states in one summer, touring the corn fields and stumbling across hidden towns featuring "World Famous Milkshakes".  Or that they’ve slept in an RV with 11 other people for a weekend.  (or gone 5 days without a shower? sshhhh…. Hey.  Just bein' real.)  Or that they’ve brushed their teeth in a pasture.  Washed altar linens in an outdoor spigot.  Or that they made lifelong friends in a matter of weeks.

I have quite a few really good friends.  Some I’ve known for 12 years.  Others I met in high school.  Some I met in college.  But the only people who I can claim I really got to know within weeks of meeting them are my Crossroads teammates.  I can say with certainty that if I ever need something, I can call any one of my walking buddies and they’d respond in an instant.  And I can state with equal certainty that if any of them ever need anything, even if it’s just to talk, I’d drop everything to help them.

I hate tossing around the words “I love you”.  I have a quote hanging in my room that says "And Love is a word used too much and much too soon"; I think those are special words for special people.  But I can tell you with my whole heart that I love these people.  They are and forever will be my family.

It's interesting, when I got home in August, I was able to see my 2 closest friends (that I've known since Kindergarten) for a couple hours.  At the end of our time together, they both said to me, "You've changed, and I don't really know how.  But it's for the better".  That's exactly how I feel.  I can't put my finger on how I changed, or what precisely brought about that change, but I do believe that it was for the better.

Maybe now you have a better understanding of why I can’t easily explain my time on Crossroads.  Yes, I can give a pretty darn good talk at a parish.  I can convince people to donate money and ask them to pray for us.  But explaining my own personal experience?  As with anything life-changing, it’ll takes a little while.  Still, it’s a story I’m more than willing to share.  

Like I mentioned at the beginning, it’s easy for me to think about Crossroads, but I have come to the understanding that in order to truly grow from this summer, I need to digest it all and let it penetrate my life.  I’ve obviously changed, so I need to let that change fully happen and fully effect me.  I hope that through these few, weak, insufficient words that I’ve put together, you’re able to gain a deeper insight into the walk and into my heart.

If you have a spare week during a summer, or maybe even a whole summer free, I’d encourage you all to think and pray about doing Crossroads.  I can assure you that you will grow like you never grew before.  You’ll laugh harder than ever.  You’ll overcome personal fears, and you'll conquer mountains, figuratively and literally.  

Lastly, I’m going to ask you to pray for Crossroads and everyone involved.  Pray for our directors.  Pray for all of us giving talks for Crossroads over our Christmas breaks*.  Pray for the first-ever Australian walk that starts in 6 days.  Pray for all walkers, past, present, and future.  It’s a difficult mission, yet also oh-so-rewarding, and I can say from personal experience that there’s definitely a spiritual fight going on in Heaven over this amazing organization.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments about what I’ve said.  You can either leave a comment if you’d like me to address it on my blog, or email me at 14exodus14@gmail.com if you’d prefer I email you directly.

Lots of Love,

*I’ll be speaking to about 5 classes at my high school before Christmas… yikes.  I feel old.  I remember Crossroads people coming to speak when I was a sophomore in high school.  And now, 4 years later, “those people” is me.

It's the Journey: Part IV

(part I, part II, part III)

And that week was when I realized how much Mass meant to me.

If I didn’t have Jesus that week, or any day, for that matter, I know I would have fallen apart more often than I did.  (Surprise, teammates!  I wasn’t as together as I appeared!  *sigh* Oh, the beauty/confusion of being somewhat of a stoic…)  Mass united me with the universal Church, and I knew I could depend on the graces of Communion to give me a spiritual boost.  Mass also united me in a deeper way with my team, as we all offered our entire selves on the altar and asked for the graces to make it through one more day.

An even greater challenge for me was to open up to my team.  Being an introvert, it takes me a little while to feel comfortable sharing any part of myself with others.  Yes, I fully realize that we’re not supposed to share our hearts with people the first week we know them.  But when you’re living with people for 13 weeks, it’s kinda strange if you don’t share anything.  After I had recognized and accepted that these people were actually trustworthy, I was able to, little by little, share bits of myself with them.  I found that some of the best conversations occurred during night shift.  I don’t know what it was about walking at night, but there was just something about the stars being above you and the road expanding as far as you could see in the dark.

For me, I had three conversations that really stand out to me as being truly blessed.  The first was, in fact, during night shift; we were doing a 10-mile walk, the air was cool, and it was a conversation in which, at the end, we both really understood where the other was coming from.  The second was difficult and deep, and again happened at night, but this time was at the Little Sisters of the Poor’s home for the elderly where we were staying the weekend.  This one was so hard for me to begin, because it was born of my “I’m driving the struggle bus” experience over the previous 3 weeks.  But ultimately, I’m so glad I had the conversation and I will be eternally grateful for the other person’s willingness to let me share my heart and to be open in return.  And finally, the last was sitting on the gravel in an RV park during the last week of the walk.  I was able to really share with someone who I hadn’t been able to previously, and vice versa and that pouring out of hearts has continued past the walk.

I have learned what a blessing vulnerability is.  Frankly, vulnerability is something I’m quite horrible at, but this summer taught me that it can be ok to open up to people.  Not everyone is going to betray my trust.  Now, I have some very concrete examples for myself of occasions when vulnerability paid off, both for myself and others.

(part V)

It's the Journey: Part III

(part I, part II)

Then there were the times when emotional and spiritual suffering really kicked in.  I think each of us had days when we were really struggling.  I look at our journey in two ways- our physical progress across the country, and our spiritual journey as individuals and as a group.  I believe we all began by fighting the battle of Crossroads- the challenges that we were fighting because we were a part of this tremendous journey.  And then came a week when we all conquered, so to speak, this “Crossroads challenge” and entered deeply into our own personal difficulties that we brought with us from home.  We all got there at the same time.  

And so began Hell Week.

There was not a single person who wasn’t “off” the week of July 2-6.  On the Saturday that ended "hell week", I wrote in my journal: “Well, we all made it through the Week of Hell…………………this has been such a crazy week, a crazy summer.  I know I'm going to look back and just laugh.  It's a huge lesson in trust, and it's a lesson I haven't really learned yet.  It's a lesson in humility- having to admit you're weak or you're wrong.  In honesty.  Faith.  Joy,  Friendship.  So many good lessons.  I hope to all hope that this week goes better than last ..."

That week, those who usually kept the group encouraged were discouraged themselves, those who lifted spirits with laughter weren’t laughing.  There were a couple (read: very, very few) encouraging texts flying around, but not close to as many as usual.  We didn’t talk a lot during dinner.  Long car/RV rides were stressful, not fun and exciting.  

That week, I had this text conversation with one of my teammates.  They wrote, “Okay, so something definitely seems wrong. Just wanna say I’m here if you want to talk.  If not, I won’t bug you about it…” to which I responded, “Thanks.  This has been a rough week for me and I got to the end of my “put on a happy face” rope this afternoon…”  Who was I to talk?  As if enough hadn’t already happened, I had just lost this teammate’s saint medals in the wash, and they were disappointed, yet they didn’t get upset at me.  Had I been in their position, at least that week, I would have lost it.  Lose it I did, later that night in the car.  Just silently.

Yes, I frequently “put on a happy face” this summer.  Is it a bad thing to fake happiness?  I honestly believe that it depends on the situation.  There were two or three of us this summer who frequently took the role of being the happy ones.  We tried to keep the morale of the group up.  But it can get really hard to always be that person, especially when those who you’re trying to cheer up are still not happy.  I say this not to point fingers, because honestly, its just my personality to try to cheer people up even when I’m having a bad day.  It’s not a chore for me.  But sometimes the cheerer-uppers need to be cheered up too.

(part IV)

It's the Journey: Part II

(You can read part one of this series here.)

I believe that Crossroads was put in my path (no pun intended) because I needed it.

I just got finished saying that I don’t fully know why I did it.  That’s because it takes me a heck of a long time to process anything.  (You can ask anyone I walked with how true this is.  I was the most indecisive person on the walk, by a long shot.  In fact, we thought about having a week when Mr. Philosopher (Peter) couldn’t philosophize and Ms. Disney (Kirstin) couldn’t talk about Disney and Ms. Indecisive (yours truly) had to make all the decisions.  It didn’t happen...)  We all took the Myers-Briggs test during week 2, and I came out as 100% introverted each and every time (I took it 6 times because I didn’t trust my own answers).  Wait.  So I did a walk, with strangers, where I had to talk to people at Walmart about my mission every time I went to buy peanut butter, and I’m an introvert?  whyyyy????

Because I needed a challenge.  And I didn’t know that I needed it until it was over.

Oh, now naive I was at the beginning!  I expected the physical challenge, but not once did I think about how emotionally and spiritually draining this summer would be.  I shared some of these challenges already, but I want to do so in a little more detail now.

The physical strain began right at the beginning, week one.  In the course of 5 days, we walked through the city of Seattle, along the highway, over the mountains, and began entering the desert.  We reached the highway on the first day.  It had been drizzling all day long, but as rush hour hit, the rain got harder.  We had no rain gear with us, and after about a mile, we gave up avoiding the 3-inch-deep puddles, stopped flinching when we were hit with water as the semis drove by, and embraced the squoosh of our sneakers.  Paired with the fact that we (Josh and I) drank over a gallon of water that shift, necessitating frequent stops at restrooms, we were quite uncomfortable.  Later in the week, we conquered the mountains.  Although it was late May, the snow had not yet melted, and we could see our breath as we walked through some snow.  Pressured by the fact that this stretch of road would be dangerous in the dark, we pushed to finish over 30 miles each day.

It was a few weeks later that I asked myself, “Why the heck am I doing this?” for the first time.  I guess it had something to do with the fact that we had re-walked a section of windy road, through a ravine, that day shift had already finished for us.  It was partially our fault, partially their fault, and neither group was thinking that day.  It had been a difficult night, and when we discovered our mistake, we were all ready to just give up.  When we tried to sleep in the van after we walked, an animal outside kept us awake the whole time.  We all got about 45 minutes of sleep that night.  Yet we had to remember what, who, we were walking for.  It’s the sacrifice that we’re there for, and we had to embrace that suffering.

Each one of us had our moments of physical weakness.  One member of the group had to go home not once but twice because of health challenges.  Another member had a serious cold for a couple weeks.  Someone else’s foot got infected, shin splints weren’t uncommon, and blisters were abundant.  I had a sort of allergic reaction to some sausage and spent a night pacing in a Walmart parking lot, and later got heat exhaustion twice.

During this time, I learned perseverance.  I learned the value of suffering, especially in silence.  There is a difference between saying, “Gosh, my legs are killing me!” and giving a mile-by-mile update at how badly you ache, how thirsty you are, how you can’t wait to just go to bed.  Hearing a constant update would be tremendously discouraging, and while you’re suffering anyway, the last thing needed is discouragement.

(part III)

It's The Journey: Part I

(for about 2 weeks, I've been gradually writing this blog post series.  My hope is that through writing this, I will better understand my Crossroads experience and that by reading, you will get a deeper look into my life as a walker.)

~~~~

I have spoken of Crossroads multiple times since I completed my walk, but never with much clarity.  I can very easily write of the wonderful people I was with, or individual circumstances, but when it comes to piecing the entire picture together, I wander around and never really reach a conclusion.  And still, there is a certain confusion surrounding those three months.

Time does so much for the heart.

Sometimes, time heals, and other times, it causes deeper hurt.  It completely depends on the situation.  

Josh writes on his blog of his thoughts after giving himself some time without really thinking of the summer.  I highly recommend that you read his post, because while I am obviously not the same person as he, and therefore didn’t go through all that he did, he says some things that I think are relevant to all of us who walked last summer, at least on Northern walk.  I really respect those who can just “not think about” a life-changing event for a while.  I think it’s wonderful and possibly one of the best way to process.  I wish I could do that.  But at least at this point, I can’t work that way.  Right now, I’m struggling to not think about it every day, every hour.

This isn’t healthy.

I can’t keep living in the past.  It doesn’t do any good, and won’t help me learn.  That being said, I have been able to spend some time over the last three months simply thinking and journaling.

Why did I decide to walk Crossroads?  I’ve been called crazy for doing it, and in a way, I agree with that adjective.  You can’t be completely sane if you decide to walk across the country for an entire summer.  To fly to the other side of the country, meet up with people from California, Missouri, Wisconsin, Maryland, Virginia, South Carolina, and Ireland; and essentially, upon meeting, entrust them with your life.  We quite literally kept each other alive this summer.

I was completely comfortable with my decision to walk Crossroads all of last semester.  It wasn’t until the morning I left that I started freaking out.  I had a breakdown, which doesn’t happen except rarely, and I thought, there’s no freaking way I can do this.  I had processed my summer in advance (as much as I could), gone through all the logical succession of what I would encounter, and accepted that it would be difficult.  But the morning of May 16, I questioned my sanity.

So why did I do this?  When I began, I honestly didn’t know.  I’ll be 100% completely honest.  I still don’t know.  Well, that’s only partially true.  I know that I walked for the unborn.  I know that I needed to stand for life at all stages in a concrete way.  But I didn’t need to walk across America in order to do that.

I believe that Crossroads was put in my path (no pun intended) because I needed it.

(part II)

Striking a Balance

Today was a beautiful day.

It all started with the walk to Mass in 70-degree weather.  Say-WHAT?!  It's Ohio, in November, and we get 70 degrees?  I'll take it any day!
Mass was great, as per usual, and I was able to EM.
Following Mass, I had lunch with Stephanie, which was really nice since we hadn't really caught up since fall break 2 weeks ago.
And THEN we ran back to my room and google-chatted with our Crossroads Family!!!!  Everyone except Mario and Zechariah was able to come, at least for a little bit, and it was so awesome to be able to talk to everyone.  We all gave our little update as to what was going on in our lives, and we laughed a whole lot.  Fun times :D
As if that wasn't enough, I then spoke with my friend from when I was in kindergarten, who I haven't actually talked to in about 3 months.  Whoops!  I've known her and her sister for 14 years!  I'm so blessed to know them, and the great thing is that no matter how long its been since we've talked, we pick right up where we left off.

Now, though, the fun is over.  I have quite a few books of the Bible to journal through before 1 pm tomorrow.  Wait, scratch that.  The fun can't be over when Grace is coming to journal with me!!

xoxo,

recent thoughts

Date: October 22, 2012
Time: 10:31 p.m.
What I'm listening to: The Fighter (Gym Class Heroes)
What's been going on: A heck of a lot!  This weekend was Fall Fun Day with Liturgy Committee; we went to a farm and did the petting zoo, a hay ride, and other fun fall-ish things.  Sunday I went into the city with a bunch of other people from school to see Mary Poppins!  It was really, really good; if it comes to your area, I highly recommend it!  And oh-by-the-way I also have 3 tests, a paper, and a project due within the next 6 days.

corn maze at Fall Fun day!!

Recent realization: Evelyn and I have a lack of  pictures of the two of us.  Which, considering that we've been rooming for a year and a half, is fairly pathetic.  So we've decided to remedy this situation by taking more pictures of ourselves!!

What's the weather: The beauty that can only occur in fall...the colors are gorgeous and the temperatures are heavenly.  Although this coming week, we're (supposedly) going from 70s one day to 30s and snowing the next.  Figures.  Typical Steubenville.

What I'm excited about: This book!  I saw it last spring on vacation while Stasia was home with me.... and I just bought it.  On Amazon, of course, because that's where all college students shop for everything!!!!  Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration.  Still.

What I'm reading: the Bible.  No, I'm not being tricky.  Or "holy".  I mean, hopefully I am being holy, but that's beside the point that I'm reading the Bible.  I have to journal my way through the Bible for my Biblical studies class.... so for Wendesday, I have to read and journal on every chapter of Numbers, Deuteronomy, and Judges (Joshua is "read-only").... it takes quite a while!!!!

What I'm passionate about this week: Verily Magazine!!!!  It's an awesome magazine for older teens and women.  They write on relationships, fashion, and other topics relatable to women living in today's world who want to be modest, respectable, and fashionable.

I've actually teamed up with Verily to get the word out... I ask you all to take a look at their website (you can find it here).  There's a complete teaser issue so you can get an idea of what it's like!  If you like what you see, you can order the magazine for $10 off the cover price with a special code (enter CAWOLF30 at checkout).  It's only $3 per issue (to put it in perspective, that's one Starbucks Frap per issue).  Check it out and let me know if you've got any questions!!

What's coming up this week: women's ministry meeting, lunch with Stephanie (from Crossroads), Liturgy Committee (as per usual), and hopefully looking at trains in Austria and Germany!

xoxo,

Missin' You

Today was one of those days that I realized how much I missed my Crossroads team.

I guess it started yesterday.  In a matter of 24 hours, I received a letter from one, had lunch with a second, skyped a third, had a text conversation with a fourth, and facebook-messaged a fifth.

I miss seeing Stephanie's beautiful acts of service.
Kirstin's joy and laughter.
The way Grace made us all smile.
Mario's deep insights.
John's quiet leadership.
Josh's strong example.
Peter's philosophical musings.
(*)

Yes, I can honestly say that I think of these people (and all the others who walked with us) like family.  I learned so much from each and every one of them.  I learned faith, respect, and genuine love.  I learned how to set boundaries, how to respect others' boundaries, and how to open up my preconceived notions of "the perfect boundary".  They helped me change some of my views, while other views were made stronger. (**) I learned how to share a space the size of a postage stamp with 12 people at the same time.  This group helped me through some extremely difficult moments, and they were all there rejoicing with me at other times.  They let me into their lives, and I have gladly let them into mine as well.

Not all groups of people would gel as well as we did.  Not all past Crossroads teams had the amazing experience that we did.  I'm guessing that if many other groups were faced with our "hell week", they might have packed up and gone home right then.  But because we supported each other, suffered with each other, and lifted each other up in prayer, we made it through that week, and we all grew and became stronger because of it.

~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~

You guys have become my second family.  I thank God every day that He brought you into my life.  I'm sorry that I don't get to talk to some of you as often as I'd like, but that doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you.  This summer was by far the best summer I've ever had, and I hope many more Northern Crossroads teams after us have the wonderful times and crazy adventures that we did.

I love you, Grace, Kirstin, Stephanie, Amanda, Claire, John, Peter, Zechariah, Father Dave, Mario, Josh, Dan, and Alex.  Thank you all for being... you.
xoxo,


*and yes, even though they weren't with us the entire time, I miss Zechariah, Amanda, Daniel, Alexander, Father Dave, and Claire as well... I didn't forget you!!
**I first wrote "solidified", but that gave me an awkward feeling.... WHY JOSH WHY?!?

turned all 'round

It's so hard to believe that it's already been two weeks since school started, and three weeks since I arrived back on campus.  I honestly really love it here, and when I call Steubenville my "second home", I mean it 100%.

I have been blessed with some amazing friends who help me in so many ways.  Every time I'm having a bad day or a hard time with something, they're there.  They're definitely up there on my "most thankful for list".  (another list. yup.  I'm into lists.) 

I've gotta say, my perspectives on so many things have changed since this summer.  Not just perspectives, but habits and daily activities.  I drink a lot more water, I eat trail mix like it's going out of style, I have no qualms about doing dishes in the dorm bathroom sink, and if my cell phone goes out of service for an hour, I may not even notice.  I wake up a heck of a lot faster, and when I go to bed, I crash (2:30 am fire alarm? didn't phase me).  I value conversations with friends and correspondence with family more.  I find myself "dropping in" to the chapel at random times, and I lovelovelovelove adoration (I missed that this summer!)  I pray the divine office every morning and evening.  My views of dating, dorm "visitation hours", and kneeling to receive communion have all changed, whether slightly or drastically.  And oh, walking the hills across campus?  No biggie.

Still, it's hard to tell what all the ways I've changed are.  Is it possible to see all the fruits from an entire summer in just 4 short weeks after completing the journey?  I can wholeheartedly say that this summer changed me, yet I can't say exactly how.  I can just feel, sense, a change, for the better.  Even two of my friends said to me, "You're different!" "How?" I asked.  "We don't exactly know.  But you're different, and it's a really good kind of different."

As I move on from this summer, I'll look back often and see all the good that happened.  I'll even revisit those difficult days, because I know they helped form me.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see someday how Crossroads made me who I am today.

But for now, I'm just gonna trust that God will reveal it all, in His perfect timing.

Saturday's Silly Saying!

It's back!  I figured now that I'm back at school, I'll start doing these again. :)  This story's from the summer:

We were walking through a fairly flat area, in some state out west (they all blur together after a while).  I had just finished my shift, so I was riding in the support van and there were 2 people walking (It may have been Stephanie and Zechariah.... but I'm not quite positive.  If you guys read this, let me know who it was!)  We approached some construction and, as we were supposed to do, made sure with the workers that it was ok to walk through.  (usually it was ok as long as we walked on the other side)  This worker looks at us like we were completely out of our minds and says "Guys, we got 5 trucks and a water truck... you can't walk through here!"  Uh, so the water truck isn't a truck?  Or is it just so significant that it stands on its own?  We were a bit taken aback, to say the least, and then realized the hilarity of the situation.  So we drove through the construction (it was one of those where a pick-up had to escort you), made a u-turn, got escorted back through, made another u-turn, picked up the walkers, got escorted back through.... by the end we were all laughing uncontrollably.

Oh, the things that happen on Crossroads...!

busy weekend ahead.... I have oodles and tons of reading to do.  Only 3 encyclicals, a chapter in Psych, a handout, an entire design book (209 pages), and another book (like 200 pages).  And that's just for Monday and Tuesday!  There's a Festival of Praise (FOP), 2 Masses,  Lord's Day, and a returning minister's training on Sunday.  Ach, well, I'd rather be busy than bored!

xoxo,

Montana:Revisited

People keep asking me what my favorite state was, and I have to say Montana.  I could never live there- I'm definitely a city girl- but the skies were phenomenal!  

windshield sunset

Mario's amazing photo-taking skills... yes, this was posed, but I still love it!

the road goes ever on and on

This is the Cathedral of St. Helen in Helena, MT.  We were blessed to be able to attend Mass here 3 mornings, and boy oh boy, was it gorgeous!

Is it not apparent that there IS a God, and that He is oh-so-good?  How could all this beauty have happened by chance?

Interior Life

"Do not be vain, my soul. Do not deafen your heart's ear with the tumult of your vanity. Even you have to listen. The Word himself cried to you to return. There is the place of undisturbed quietness where love is not deserted if it does not itself depart."
St. Augustine
-Confessions



I feel that I must apologize for my prolonged absence. I know, it's been a while. In the week I was home, I had little time to unpack and pack again, much less to blog. So sorry!
I'm currently on a retreat for liturgy committee, but when I return to campus, I PROMISE I will bombard you (via this blog) with stories and pictures and other lovely things.

Please pray for us as we discover the best ways in which to lead our respective ministries.

Never thought I'd be the one....

Two months ago, if you had told me that I'd be "that person" sitting in McDonalds with a Frappe and a computer, enthusiastically typing away, I never would have believed you.

Yet, here I sit.

I have decided that typing blog posts on my phone is totally not worth it, because of the number of typos, so alas, you must wait until I have opportunities such as this one to take advantage of free Wi-Fi. Thankfully, today's night local (aka, Walmart) is a 1 minute walk from McD's.

I also never thought I'd be ok with seeing roadkill so close and personal.  Like, 1 foot away.

And yet I am.

I never thought I would wash dishes with water from a spigot 2 feet off the ground.
That I'd drain pasta in a parking lot.
That I would drive an RV before I drove a 8-seater van.
Be ok with popping blisters.
Eat the same lunch 5 days in a row.
Beg for money at Masses.
Accept cookies from people I've never met.
Go to Walmart at 2:30 in the morning.
Sleep overnight in a Walmart parking lot.
Shop at Walmart multiple times a day, 4 days in a row.

(are we seeing a Walmart trend here?  We are of the opinion that Walmart should sponsor Crossroads.  We go there enough!)

We are a walking advertisement (haha, no pun intended) for Walmart, iPhone, and Chrysler.  Except now we have a Dodge van, so that doesn't really work anymore.

Basically, Crossroads has made me go sooo far outside my comfort zone!  On this journey, I have done oodles of things that I never would have done before.  And honestly, I needed to break out of my box.

Consider the box broken.
xoxo,

PS- say a prayer for us- only 1 month left!
PPS-WAHOO!!  You all have read my blog over 7000 times!  Thank you!  Please consider subscribing if you're a frequent reader.  Or even if you're not. ;)
PPPS- Check out my new tab at the top for my favorite blogs!  Especially my fellow Northern Walkers' blogs.

Dropping like ... Stanley

This post requires a pre-explanation: Who is Stanley?

I will give you some hints.  Stanley likes flies.  He is green.  He lives in a pot.  Night Shift loves him.

Stanley is a Venus Fly Trap.

Don’t ask why we scoured Lowes’, Walmart’s, and Hy-Vee’s galore to find him.  All you need to know is that when we (Mario, Stephanie, Josh, and I) found him, we were quite elated:

 (Stephanie)

But Stanley wasn’t happy living in an RV.  He quickly began drooping and no amount of sustenance, whether it be flies or cereal, would make him happy again.  So Stanley resided in our (non-working) sink, looking sad in a half-filled cup of water.  And just 10 minutes ago, Stephanie buried him in the trashcan.  He came quickly, and died almost as quickly.  And this, my friends, is the situation I'm in.  My health came back, and went away very quickly.

Monday night, I cried for the first time while on Crossroads.

I think anyone in my situation would have.

Let me back up a minute.  I was put on day shift again after 2 weeks on night.  Monday, it was super hot.  Like, 100.  I was prepared, though: I bought a hat, I had sunglasses, sunscreen, and plenty of water.  I started by first shift of the week walking with Grace.  She and I walked for a mile, then I had to get back in the van because my calves were killing me.  I had had 3 charlie horses the night before, so I thought that’s what it was.  After another 10 miles of others walking, Grace and I headed out again.  I had gone 2 before I started getting heat exhaustion symptoms.  At 3.5 I got back into the van, thinking that water and protein would make me feel all better and I could walk again later.  Well, faintness turned into spacey-ness turned into an escalating pounding headache, and I could feel my blood sugar crashing.  Nothing that I did helped.

Meanwhile, Amanda’s blood sugar was crashing too, so she couldn’t walk or drive, therefore John had to drive the whole way.  Peter is gone for the week, so Josh is doing most of the walking on night shift because Mario is injured.  Kirstin's ankle is hurting.  Michael, the guy who's with us for the week, also hurt his ankle.  It ended up that Grace did the majority of the walking (like, 21 out of 30 miles).  We got our 30 for the day, but just barely.

When I got back to the RV, I called Mom and after talking to her I realized that my body just can’t do day shift anymore.  I was crying, Mom was crying, Amanda and Grace were crying; we were overall just a huge mess.  I came in the RV where John and Josh were and (with tears streaming down my face) I told them “I just can’t do day shift anymore”.  Thankfully, they had foreseen this happening (as I had.  I had just been in denial…) and had put me on day shift just as a trial.  They were understanding (thanks, guys!) and promptly moved me to night.  I drank some water, told my family what was going on, and went to bed.

*sigh*  This isn’t how I was envisioning the rest of my Crossroads journey.  I figured I’d be the healthy one who could be put on any shift.  Not the girl who has to ask special consideration.  I hate having people worry, and I hate not being able to do what everyone else does.  I just really have to remember that God does know what he’s doing.  He knows that I will do just as much good on night shift as I would have on day shift.  That I can pray as much and do just as many sacrifices on night.  There is a reason.

So I am permanently on night shift.  And I’m ok with that.  As I said to my family, that just means that I’ll have more time to call people!!

~~~~

I’m gonna make some changes to my blog right now, and the next couple times I have internet.  My plan is to take away my graphic design page (because I never use it), change my book shift page, and add a pictures page with highlight photos from my trip.  (And I'm pretty sure this is gonna break a cardinal rule of blogging by telling you this, but) I'm gong to do a couple blogs in advance to be posted automatically for you guys.  With pictures and captions and such.  Enjoy, in advance!

Please, please, please keep us in your prayers.  Even though our RV is air conditioned, it’s still sweltering in here, and I can’t even imagine what day shift is going through at the moment.  Pray for our health, our safety, and God’s will in every aspect of this walk.

xoxo,

Different Kind of Sacrifice

I think everyone enters the Crossroads experience expecting something.  They may not know precisely what it is, but they're definitely expecting it.  It could be new friends, a life changing experience, to get in shape, to grow closer to God, to see cool scenery, to explore the country, and so much more.

One of my expectations was not to get sick.

The other day (Thursday, I believe it was) I woke up and walked 3 minutes down the road to Mass.  As I sat down, I felt a strange wave of lightheadedness.  Mass went on, and I got progressively worse and worse.  By the end, I was bent over, leaning on the pew in front of me, dizzy, with a pounding headache.  Afterwards, as I sat on the church steps with my head between my knees, all I could think was "This was not part of the plan".  I hated to do it, but I took the day off and slept for 6 hours.  Grace ended up walking for me, which meant she did back-to-back shifts.  (thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!)

I was eternally grateful for those 6 hours of sleep.  So grateful that I did night shift that night.  An extra long night shift which lasted 14 hours and in which we walked 40 miles.  A night shift that lasted so long that I walked in the sun again.  Which was super stupid and dumb on my part, because I had heat exhaustion.

Heat exhaustion.  Why, oh why, oh why???

Did you know that the symptoms for heat exhaustion are pretty similar to those of heat stroke?  And that heat stroke can be fatal?  Yeah, me neither.  Needless to say, I was pretty freaked out for a little while.

If there's anything I hate, it's being sick.  Not because I feel yucky, but because I feel so useless.  Like I should be up and doing things, helping people make dinner and clean, but instead I have to sit on the sofa and do nothing.  And then I'll feel better and do something, and immediately after another wave of faintness will come over me and I'll have to sit down right away.  People, I promise I'm not faking!

Last night, I sat in the hot tub for a little bit, making me feel 1000% better, and then my mom was like "That probably wasn't the best idea for someone who has heat exhaustion".... oh yeah.  Whoops.  Kinda forgot about that.

(disclaimer: I'm drinking lots of sports drinks, taking natural remedies of various sorts, and am taking it easy.  No worries, I'm gonna be ok ;) )

This is all to say... I've been thinking about the reason I'm here.  My expectations.  I wanted to grow in my faith, to gain friendships, to witness to the dignity of life.  But as I've sat with a spinning head, I've wondered if my last couple days have even been worthwhile.  If I'm not walking, is there even a point to being here?

I've come to realize that there is.

Why am I here?  For prayer and sacrifice.  I'm getting a heck of a lot of prayer in sitting on this sofa.  It's a huge sacrifice for me to not walk.  I thought I was here to walk.  But there's so much more than that.  I am here to walk, but I can witness in other ways too.

Last night during dinner, Josh said something that I've always heard, but it really hit me.  He said "Make every bite a prayer!"  I may pray my morning offering when I wake up, but do I mean those words I say?  Do I mean that I offer "my prayers, works, joys, and sufferings of the day"?  Or do I say it because that's what I've been doing for years?  Do I remember that literally everything I do while I'm here is for the greater glory of God, and that everything should be a prayer?  It's definitely something that I need to work on.

~~~~
Break break.

We've been making videos like there's no tomorrow.  So much so that the Crossroads office assured everyone that yes, we are still walking. :P  (We are, in fact, 2 days ahead!)

So here, I present you with Peter's latest work.

And here is the video I referenced in my last post that Josh made: 30 Miles in Our Shoes

Enjoy your day (and your week!) everyone!  Pray for us all as we venture into the flatness that is South Dakota.
xoxo,

The Heavens are Telling the Glory of God

And all Creation is Shouting for Joy.

I've never particularly liked that song, but lately, I've been realizing how absolutely true it is.  How often do we spend time looking at the world that God gave us and really, truly appreciate it?  I'm so grateful that I've had the chance to do just that while on Crossroads.

I am now (temporarily) on night shift.

In all honesty, I was really excited to take part in the whole "walking at night" thing.  I was one of only two people on the walk that hadn't been on night shift yet.  It's such a different experience.

Sunday night.

my team warns me that night shift isn't really all that great: it's hard, it's tiring, and by mid-week, I'll be cranky and exhausted.  nevertheless, I'm excited to begin.

we drive two hours to our starting point.

Kirstin and Josh are starting out, so Zechariah, Stephanie, and I wait in the car.  While waiting, Zechariah and I record some ridiculous dances to (maybe possibly) make a fun music video.

sunsets are gorgeous.

Have you ever watched the sun set while standing on a hill overlooking a valley, with mountains in the distance?

I got to do that on Sunday night, and it was magnificent.  Even the swarms of mosquitoes couldn't keep my happiness level low.

josh and I set out.

We pray our rosary, and as the moon rises in front of us, we talk.  funny stories from growing up and from high school.

the moon was so bright that we could see our shadows behind us.

we make jokes about alien attacks, and listen to birds that sound like hyenas.  the moon is above us, shining and brilliant in the sky.

pure beauty.

when I get back in the car, I sleep for a couple hours, then it's time to walk again.

Zechariah and I begin walking and pray another rosary.

It's early in the morning and the sun has started to rise.  conversation comes surprisingly easy at 4:30 am.  there's a hint of glow in the sky, and as time goes on, the sky lights up into a dozen different colors: reds, oranges, yellows.  we watch deer scamper across a field and stop right by the car, about a mile up the road.  cows wandered out to pasture and began their gentle mooing.

monday night.

If there was a night that I could remember for the rest of my life, it would absolutely and definitely be monday night.

wow.

josh and I set out around 9.  the moon was bright; not as bright as the night before, but more full.  after praying our rosary, we talked about faith.  every once in a while, a train would pass on the tracks next to us, its light piercing the darkness up ahead.  the gentle chugging was a reassuring sound that I normally wouldn't have been aware of.  Semi trucks passed and i could feel the whoosh of air that they pulled behind them.  the air was cool but as we walked further, we were able to take our sweatshirts off and just wear the reflective vests over our PRO-LIFE shirts.  As we heard a car or truck approach, we'd turn on our flashlights, the soft light showing where we were and lighting our way.

again, I slept.

sleep comes surprisingly easy when you're walking at night.  we're awakened at 4 am to begin the last 5-mile shift of the night.

we were both tired, so after the rosary, we fell into silence.  with 4.2 miles to go, we could already see the van up ahead, hazard lights flashing bright in the dark.

its amazing how your senses are heightened at that hour.

the moonlight reflected off a white barn, a mailbox, and three simple crosses at the side of the road.

in unison, our footsteps were loud on the pavement.  every so often, one or the other of us would kick a stone, and it would bounce to the side.

I could hear the wind blow gently through the grass.

horses whinnied and beat their hooves in a nearby stable.

a small stream trickled into a ditch nearby.

just before the sun began to rise, the birds started singing.  First, just a single song, then the whole area was filled with melodies and harmonies of all different birds.  some loud, some soft; they combined to form a symphony for us as we walked.

I could see a wooden pole rising against the lightening sky, a nest perched on top.  as a large bird, probably an eagle, rose from the nest, Josh broke the silence.

"Nice"

-Wow.

Silence again.

Not the awkward i'm-trying-to-think-of-something-to-say-and-can't silence, but beautiful silence.  A Full Silence that can only come from listening to God and all of His creation.

the sky started to be illuminated.  directly to my right was the full moon, still shining with all its glory, and to my left was a hazy sky.  

deep gray-ish purple mountains rose against a lighter purple sky, set off by medium blue clouds.  

words cannot begin to describe the depth of beauty that filled that space.

we were surrounded by mountains on all sides, by whispy clouds up above and the gently rising sun as the cherry on top.

It was such a different sunrise than the morning before, but just as, if not more, phenomenal.  God is a magnificent painter.

What can I say; I'm in love.

I'm in love with the beauty that I have the ability to see on this journey.

I'm in love with the Creator of that beauty; the One who made it all, with my God, the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth.

In Him,

Every Day We're Shufflin'...

This is going to be a fairly long post, so buckle your seatbelts!

I'm done with week two of Crossroads, and this past week was just as great as last week!  I'll say it again (and again, and again...): It is such a blessing to be here!


this week we had two new (temporary) walkers!  Alexander and Daniel Fedoryka (of the band Scythian) joined us a week ago Friday and will be here until next weekend.  They're a lot of fun and it's great to have more people walking.

Amanda went home this week :( She thought she had mono, but got home and didn't.  Still, she has a virus and will be home recovering for at least 3 weeks.  Hopefully she can join us again!

We're ahead of schedule! By about a day!!!  Huzzah!!  Hooray!!  Praise God we're ahead, because with injuries and sickness this week, we didn't cover as much as we did last week.  Still, we managed to get 28-33 miles each shift!

I saw my parents last weekend... which was really nice.  My mom and dad came to Idaho to visit my godparents, and I was able to stay with them for a night (and take a day off) and then the whole group stayed at my godparents' house as well.

This is my last week of being 18 (aaahhhhhh....!) Where the heck did the last year go?

Blisters are no fun.  Only one person on the walk, Daniel, has managed to get by without any blisters so far.  (lucky ducky!)  One day I had none, the next I had 3, and 5 days later I had 6.  Oh dear me.  I think blisters are my least favorite part of this summer.

NIGHT SHIFT!  I'm finally on night shift this week!  I'm soo super duper excited.  (I have been informed that by Wednesday, I won't be so thrilled.  I'll let y'all know (yes, I did just say y'all)).

I love meeting people on the road and at Mass.  People are so supportive!  It's wonderful to see that yes, America is really prolife.  We've had at least 2 people a day stop us on the side of the road to ask if we need a ride.  One day, we had 7 cars stop!  The best is when someone stops, then comments on the Crossroads Prolife facebook page about their encounter.

The Catholic world is soooo small!  On this trip, I have met friends of friends, family of friends, people who knew people I used to know... It's awesome and I love it.
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I realized that I keep talking about these people I'm walking with, and you don't even know anything about them.  Behold, your introduction!

John: aka Fearless Leader.  John's our walk leader.  He's a master's student at Boston College studying education (and theology, I think?).  He likes Broadway.

Josh: Our assistant leader.  Josh is a rising Junior at Notre Dame.  He's studying History and Philosophy and has an awesome hat.

Zechariah: Student at Missouri State majoring in Computer Information Systems.  Zechariah is super fun and always happy (that's what he said) :D.

Mario: Our Irish walker!  He walked with Crossroads in Ireland last summer and came to the States (for the first time) to walk with us.  He likes tea and enlightening us about life in Europe.


Peter: Will be a sophomore at Ave Maria, studying classics and either history or philosophy.  He likes to get into deep philosophical discussions.


Grace: Rising junior at Ave Maria.  She made it through 2 weeks on night shift and is (amazingly enough) still happy and cheerful.  She also walks 15 miles in a row.

Kirstin: Just graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville where she majored in drama and english.  (I know her from high school.)  She has a strong liking for all things Disney.

Stephanie: Fellow Franciscan Student, fellow Communications and Catechetics major.  She's a rising Junior and always wears a flower in her hair.  She's also always and perpetually genuinely cheerful (which in turn makes the rest of us a wee bit more happy).

Allison: (Me) You probably already know this already, but I'm a rising sophomore at Franciscan, studying Theology, Catechetics, and Communications.

Alexander and Daniel: brothers, Franciscan grads, members of the band Scythian.  (Check them out- they're awesome!)

For Your Entertainment:
I've made my Crossroads albums on Facebook public so everyone can see them.  You should be able to see them here.
Week 1 we made a fun and totally ridiculous "music video", which you can view right here:



Josh made a really cool "day in the life" video that should be uploaded soon.  When it's up, I'll put the link here!

Whewph! Everyone's coming back out of the woodwork from a lazy Sunday afternoon, so I'd better get going!

Check out this website where I post shorter, more frequent updates on random things that happen during the week: Track My Tour.

Comment, subscribe, and leave me prayer requests!
xoxo,

What is Crossroads, really?

First off, I want to welcome all those of you who are just joining me on my blog. Thank you for all of your support for my walk this summer.... It means more to me than you could possibly imagine.

(This is my first time posting from my phone, so please forgive any funny or strange spelling or grammar errors :D)

So, I know many of you have been wondering some of the details about my walk- how long I walk, where I sleep, how I eat, and how many people will be traveling with me. I'm hoping this post will help clear up some if the confusion!

Crossroads was founded 17 years ago by a Franciscan University student. Since then, it has grown exponentially. This year, there will be a total of 6 groups walking- 4 in the states, one in Canada, and one in Ireland.

On my walk, the northern route, there will be 12 walkers. We walk from Seattle Washington to Washington DC. We have an RV and a van with us- the RV is where we will typically sleep, and the van serves as the "support vehicle" for those who are walking. The van will stay within 5 miles of the walkers in case they need anything. In general, we will do our own cooking, but there will also be times that we will eat with host families or at parishes.

While it is my shift to walk, I'll walk with some if my teammates for five miles (give or take) and meet the van. At that point, 2-3 other walkers will walk for 5 miles and I will ride ahead to their destination (which will be about 5 miles ahead).
(this is one of the most difficult things that I have ever tried to explain... Someone please let me know in the comments if that was unclear!)

As I write this, I'm actually in the air over Olympia Washington, and we're due to land in around 10 minutes. I don't think anyone can really understand how excited I am!!

Finis

Everyone, I'm done.  I'm officially finished with my freshman year of college.  So now I've got a question: Where did the time go?

I was told that as I got older, time would fly by faster.  At the time, I thought nothing of it.  But now, I'm not so sure I like that.

It didn't really dawn on me how fast time was a-flyin' by until my mom texted me a impromptu picture of the family the other day.  My oldest niece, who is 10 1/2, had grown at least 5 inches since I last saw her! No exaggeration, I kid you not, she's over 5' tall!!  Since when is that allowed to happen?  It was also very clear that one of my nephews had grown a significant amount as well.  And I'm positive that when I see them all next weekend, it'll be crystal clear that they've all grown.  I don't like this growing thing.  It means that soon I'll be a short aunt.  Not cool guys, not cool.

I leave for home tomorrow.  I leave for Seattle in 8 days.  I graduate from college in 3 years.

3 years.

That's really not all that much time.

I've been thinking about time.  How we really don't have that much time here on earth.  How we should make the most of the time that we do have, because it'll be gone in an instant.

My sister-in-law posted some of her bucket list on her blog (go check it out!) yesterday.  I started my "dream list" a couple months ago, and had been thinking of posting it, but she made me decide to go ahead.  (Thanks!)  Sooooo..... keep a look out for a bright new shiny tab up above just for my dream list.  ;)

I'll keep you all posted over the next couple days about the prep for my trip.  I appreciate your prayers as I come down the final stretch!

xoxo,

The Final Countdown

People.  This is exciting!  I've only got 6 days left until I'm done with freshman year (aaaahhhhhh!!!), and even scarier, 14 days until I leave for Seattle. 14 DAYS!  What the heck?!?!?  I honestly feel like I just started freshman year, like I just applied to take this crazy trip.  (ok, if we get technical, it's after midnight so it's really 5 days and 13 days, but I haven't been to bed yet, so I declare it's not a new day yet.  It's my blog, I can do that.  Hehe).

Yes, it's time for exams once again.  Time for (almost) perpetual quiet hours in the dorm and late night coffee runs and early morning paniked studying.  The week when everyone seems to emerge from their rooms and sit in odd corners of the dorm.  Finals for first semester were stressful, but I feel like spring finals are worse because you have to worry about packing at the same time.  And not just packing for a trip home, packing to move home.  Seriously, when do we have time to fit packing into this equation?  It'll happen... at some point. :D

I should go.... I have 5 exams calling my name.  *headdesk*
xoxo,